Hold Nothing Back

An eBook By M J Rennie.

January 17, 1975

When I got this book I did not intend to write in it every night but I feel a need tonight, and the novelty is still fresh. Just finished watching an episode of THE HONEYMOONERS on channel 46. It's my favorite sitcom of all time. Tonight, Jackie Gleason was dynamite as the stage-struck bus driver and Audrey Meadows and Art Carney were brilliant as usual. What killed me was the voice Gleason affected for the part of the old and rich dilettante (sp?). I'd never seen that one before and I've seen most of them. I can even remember when my parents watched the show when I was a little kid. I really laughed.

Tonight is kind of a wistful occasion – the fifth anniversary of my fateful night with Leanne.

So much for that. Carl called me today and asked if I wanted a date with these two married women he knows.

"You can take either one," he said. "The tall one really gives good head but the short one has a better bod."

I virtuously replied no, I wouldn't enjoy a scene like that, knowing they were married. I'm sure Carl's right when he says they're both kind of slutty.

I have pretty much decided to start writing a novel. It will be a slam bang action story about high school in the late 1960s. Could be a bestseller, probably along the lines of an S.E. Hinton yarn. I suspect it will be loosely based on the high school days of one Patrick J. Compton, with a bit of poetic license thrown in for pure fun. The title will probably be MAVO. Goodnight.

January 18, 1975 Saturday

Some unusual events have happened today. I got up early, about 9:30 AM, got dressed and went to the library. Checked out a couple of books which I think may be a little dull. After I got back home I borrowed John's car to see if I could hunt up a new pair of corduroys.

I'm hard to fit because my waist is so much narrower than my inseam – 30 x 34. I'm six feet two inches and 140 pounds. Skinny as a rail. It's hard to find pants.

So many people in this country are totally fat. I know I'll never become like that.

Today is 60 days without smoking a cigarette.

Anyway, since I was in the vicinity of Belvedere Plaza I decided to see if I could locate Lynn. To my surprise, I found her at the Laundromat.

The Belvedere Econo-Wash.

And in the course of our conversation I found out exactly what the fuck is the deal on her:

She's married! For a while there they were split up but now she's getting back with her husband. I guess I can forget about that scene.

I think marriage is a fucked up trip.

I'm in a depressed, bitter mood. I am of two minds on this issue: First, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Second, fuck it.

But why do I always feel this way?

January 19, 1975

Began my novel.

Later: Goddamnit, just as I was in the middle of writing up a storm, the stupid phone rang. Like a fool, I answered it and unfortunately, it was Phyllis, whom I have been trying to avoid. I disguised my voice with my shirt and told her that I was John and that I (me) was not home.

I'm not sure of how convincing a job I did – how could I be? Fuck it. I don't care. I do like Phyllis but it ain't gonna happen. When that lousy phone gets ripped out later this week, I intend to dance with joy. I detest phones. They are a real nuisance.

Machines control people, not the other way around.

My novel has rapidly deteriorated into memoir. So much for bestselling fiction.

January 22, 1975 Wednesday

Marie came down to Atlanta and gave me a call on Monday night. I stopped at Carl's, drank some beer and watched the Pro Bowl on TV.

Then I went over to the Georgian Terrace Hotel about 11:30 PM and spent the night with her. We messed around for a couple of hours and then had a long discussion about our "relationship." I told her I resented her going off with somebody else when she tried to prevent me from seeing Leanne back in September. Seems like she likes to make rules for me she doesn't have to abide by herself.

After Marie saw that other guy last month I figured it had to be over between us. No conclusion came out of it so we just concentrated on the sex. The first time we did it was sort of awkward. The second time was much better. I'm not sure what will happen when Marie's service is up in February. I suppose we'll just have to find out.

Tuesday I went straight home after work. I was burned out from our all-day trip to Carnesville, Georgia. The session was a bummer but Jane, Jackie, and I gossiped and told amusing stories the whole way. That part was fun.

After dinner with John, he dropped me off at the hotel so I could see Marie again. We fucked and then went out to Manuel's for beer. We drank two pitchers (I am broke again) and saw Patty, Ludlow, and even that nut George Pisano, who owns the sandwich shop I like to patronize.

Pisano told us about this novel he has been working on for the past 13 years.

"It's called THE MADNESS OF CHARLIE," he said.

Basically, it's about this young man who turns into an old woman as the result of a curse. Based on Pisano's description, it's difficult to judge the overall literary merit. I suspect it may just be some bullshit line he uses to impress people.

But perhaps he is sincere.

Marie and I came back to the hotel kind of drunk. I gave her oral sex for a good long time. Giving her oral pleasure is such fun and she really seems to enjoy it. She came at least twice.

Then she sucked my cock until I was hard as a rock. She had me slip it in her from behind and then we really romped. When I finally ejaculated, it practically tore my head off.

Now today, my poor penis is kinda sore and I feel all emptied out inside. In other words, I feel great.

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