For I Have Sinned

An eBook By J T Langdon.

I cut a swath through the crowd and slipped into the house through a pair of sliding glass doors. That put me in the kitchen. There was older woman standing over the counter preparing a fruit plate. She glanced up from her work.

"Um, where's the bathroom?" I managed to sound impatient and desperate. In other words, like I had to pee really bad. She got the hint and smiled.

"End of the hall, on your left."

I nodded in appreciation and padded down the hall in search of Felix

Time hadn't made any impact on my knowledge of the Kramer house. It was still as familiar to me as my own. I checked the family room first, then the rec-room and the living room, walking down carpeted halls just like I had years before. Memories flooded over me like waves lapping at a rocky shore. And still I kept looking for Felix, peering inside every room until there was only one place left to look.

I opened the door to Helen's bedroom and walked in. Some part of my brain took note of the fact that Felix wasn't in there, but suddenly that was of no interest to me.

Helen's room looked no different now than the last time I had been there. The bed, the desk ... even the posters on the wall. Nothing had changed in six years. I could remember that day vividly now, sitting on the edge of the bed while Helen slipped into her cap and gown. The wave of memories became a monsoon, fast and furious, hitting me hard, threatening to drown me. I remembered the way Helen looked, the way she smelled, the sound of her voice when she talked about her plans for after high school. Even the guilt I'd felt at ogling her came back to me now. Jesus H. After all this time I could still feel the fucking pang of guilt shooting through me for thinking naughty thoughts for a woman who might as well have been my own little sister. Maybe I felt a little regret, too. Regret for not acting on those feelings, for not doing what I had wanted to then, what I wished I had done, like it would have made a difference, somehow, changed things, changed the path she had been on.

I closed the door and sat down on the edge of the bed, in the same spot where I had been sitting that afternoon, watching her getting dressed for graduation, remembering how good she looked, how much I had wanted her at that moment, my best friend's sister just turned eighteen a few months before, innocent and wide-eyed, and I'd wanted to fuck her. Oh yeah. I'd wanted to fuck her brains out that afternoon

Leaning back, I snapped open my black denim jeans and slipped my hand inside, under the waistband of my panties, my pussy soaking wet. Jesus. Had I been wet for her back then? Yeah. I had been. I'd been dripping wet at the thought of getting into her pants, ripping her clothes off, having her right there.

I stroked my cuntlips, teasing them as I thought about Helen, thought about the surprised little gasp she would have made when I spun her around and kissed her. But her body would have relaxed against mine and she would have surrendered to me eventually, given herself to me, then I would have taken her, right there, on that bed. I would have ripped her clothes off and made love to her, hotly, hungrily, using my fingers first, then my mouth, until her thighs were clamping down around my head and she was coming, coming so hard, muttering my name, crying out, 'yes, yes, Siobhan, yes.'

"Helen," I whispered, as if she could hear me.

When the last tremors of climax faded other feelings bubbled to the surface, as if they had been stuck somewhere deep inside me and my orgasm had somehow dislodged them. Intense, unbearable sadness washed over me and for the first time since learning of Helen's death, and with a hand shoved down the front of my pants, I cried for the loss of a friend.

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